the idea of me

Am I to blame because I think I ride this breathing machine? Am I really a special dream of my powerful craft?

Is it that I’m going nowhere but to extinction? Can I feel it in my bones that my being’s essence is the mystery? If so what’s to be done?

The sages say to relax into silence. Do I relax and then does the being’s awareness shine through? Does my adventure begin with the mystery and end with it too? If so what words of advice can I give to myself if any?

Should I say Don’t be afraid to crash? Should I plan on surrendering because I’ll probably reboot automatically like I do after sleeping? Is the chance small that I can permanently eliminate myself? Can I accidentally kill the idea of me?

Why is this religious adventure so appealing and yet so hard to go on? Is it because I the identity know that it’s nice to think about giving up control but I’ll not any time soon give it up?

Have I become an expert on how to put things off or to take the long way around to avoid even the hint of risk? Is this why this difficult thing never gets done and it’s always out of reach?

Or can I come up with a way to make the difficult thing a habit and go fishing for existence every day and reap the side benefits of this healthy habit — this live on the spot adventure — this possibility of speed that’s as quick as imagination?

Is it possible to sense the weirdness of this quantum universe? Is my having been invented by life a built in bonus and what is it that’s being worked for?

Is it the simple joys that come with a daily practice which is prepared for but isn’t expecting more?

Is this the ideal situation? Does the absence of an identity automatically prime the mystery?

with no now

What about living? Do we live life struggling to be a
respectable person and to do all the right things?

What about pursuing total safety which will always evade us?
If so, why waste the time?
Why not be very thankful for the so-so safety we do have?

What about language?
Is it that we don’t have to defend or persuade
or prove anything?

What about feeling the beingness of everything
and knowing it for the first time and marveling at this
amazing universe which produced us along with the camel?

Are we all trapped in the nowness and don’t want to think about it?
With no now, is it that the future and past couldn’t even be illusions?

 

our insignificance

Is it that characters in novels do not need to be admired for their virtues,
but the characters need to be understood?

Is it that we can’t conquer life? Is it for us to attempt to understand it?
Is this our reason for being?

Is realizing our insignificance a key to understanding?
But who wants to realize his or her insignificance?

Do most dramatic actions serve as shields for what’s behind them?
So, does our parade go on and function as a hiding place in plain sight,
so close, so common?

Is death something few are ever prepared for?

 

for the duration

Is all for the best as has been said in this best of possible worlds? Is the answer yes in a general sense because humans are adapted perfectly to the earth and there’s still plenty to explore outside and inside? Do I have to begin leaving language alone regularly to start the adventure?

Is it that I can begin anytime to explore the inside part of me that is said to hold a sea of awareness? Is it the adventure of a lifetime and is the option for the duration? Is there a possession that is shared but not recorded? If not now, at death will we all get a quickie, a brief awareness of all existence?

And I wonder what to do. What do I need to go on this adventure? Is it that I need an outfitter that can fit me up with some knowledge and some techniques of getting to nothingness, to silence? And then what?

Is to have knowhow enough? Must one act: hopping over a metaphorical wall in the mind via silence to get off of the language freeway to park and rest for a while?

Is it that getting to silence is hard and sometimes frightening?

So, here I will make my stand and will fear be my strong defense? So, it’s me that I’m dealing with — an understanding that I — the identity — am not easy. I’m used to chugging and I’m wanting action. So do I play with the adventure like a cat plays with a crippled mouse?

Are my waking hours mine and when do I start an assault on my patrol? Do I have to watch out? Can I coast along and nothing like meditation on a regular basis is hardly possible?

And even then don’t I have scare tactics? So off I go still guiding and still in control of how best to play.

Do I have a separate path even when I’m traveling with others? Is it that the trip’s the thing and its highways and byways are inside of me and everywhere else? Does this flesh that I govern have the potential of shutting me up or down? How best do I persist on this adventure to this door, this edge, this cliff inside of me?

Why is it so hard to create a daily habit of meditation with no spiritual expectations? Do I have the courage to do so? As I’ve asked before, if there’s one thing for certain, is it that even good intentions can keep me in power for the duration?

(Huge amounts of information on meditation are available on the net. Herbert Benson’s site is one backed by science: http://www.relaxationresponse.org/)