the “core self”

Is it that I didn’t come into the world as a sinner? I became one on my own time in the whirlwind of life. Is there no one to confess to? To win the game of life, must I find a way to return to the original mind, to the “core self” which I had when I entered the world? (The “core self” is what some researchers and teachers of mindfulness are calling our original nature: the human animal.)

What did I have when I entered the world? Was it a pure and unobstructed awareness? And just what did I lack when I came into the world? Was it human language and the habit of thinking constantly?

If so, must I find a way to stop my constant use of language and then be ready to surrender and then surrender completely even though I sense that I should retain my captainship because I fear that I’ll lose it for good?

How can I find meaning in life? Is it that I must seek out experience instead of meaning because meaning happens via actions? If so, does ultimate meaning come via an ultimate experience? Does it just happen? Or do I have to pave the way?